btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
