just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
