My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
