hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize