I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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