I cut my penus on the lid.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
