Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
