My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
