I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
