I hope mine doesn't look like that
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
