i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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