I accidentally burped into my bong.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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