I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
