Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My vagina is officially offended.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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