I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
