i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
