I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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