Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
