just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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