don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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