"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
