I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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