So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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