I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
