you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
