Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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