if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
