Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
