I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize