I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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