where am i from again
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
