She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
