i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
