oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to sanitize my soul.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
