I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
