direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she told me i tasted like america
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
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