i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
