You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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