My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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