I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
