Cold hands, warm shart.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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