Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
