the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
