I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
