That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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