Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
