he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
