Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
