I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
