I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
