She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
