I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
