i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
