Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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