I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
