I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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