Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
