i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
