I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
