im drinking this country out of the recession.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
