yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
