Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
