I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we should paint friendship bongs
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