She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
