oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
