I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
