Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
