perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lost the right to judge tonight
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
