jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
