Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
