My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i will never coherently bang her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
