Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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