If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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