He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
