They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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